Taylor Swift Ruined My Hair


Or did she?


Cynthia is standing at the mirror scowling at her hair.

Marcy:  If you’re counting grey hairs you are going to be standing there all day.




Cynthia:  I’m not counting the grey.

Marcy (peering into the mirror and squinting): So you’re counting those mousey brown hairs? One, two … three … hmmm … no that’s grey. One …

Marcy makes a show of squinting.

Cynthia:  Ok. Fine. Two. But you know, they’re not “mousey brown”, they’re actually “dirty blonde”.

Marcy:  You mean “dishwater blonde”.

Cynthia: What are you, the fashion police?

Marcy:  Yes. And why are you so grumpy?

Cynthia:  Because my whole life my perfectly natural, perfectly fine dark blonde/light brown hair has been described as dirty blonde, mousey brown, or dishwater blonde. So what did I do? I dyed it. I dyed it blonde or I dyed it brown. Everyone with my hair color did. And if you didn’t, you were accused of not trying. Of not caring about how you looked. You were thought of as unattractive and that was supposedly a fate worse than death.

And now, Taylor Swift is nonchalantly wearing her dishwater blonde hair out and about.  She just … she doesn’t care. She saunters around the NFL in it. She takes it out to dinner with her celebrity BFFs. She poses on magazines with it.

Marcy:  She also poses with her cat.

Cynthia: And do you know what they are calling it? Do you know what her mousey brown bangs are being called? Do you?

Marcy: I couldn’t guess. And you’re beginning to scare me.

Cynthia:  Old Money Blonde.

A beat.


Cynthia stares apoplectically at Marcy for another beat.

Cynthia:  My non hair color hair – my dirty, dishwater, mousey hair is now aspirational?! It’s now a thing to want?!

Marcy (beginning to panic)So what’s the deal? This should be good news?

Cynthia (practically spitting)It is! It’s great. It’s fantastic!

Marcy:  So why are you still yelling?

Cynthia:  Because my hair is almost entirely grey. I missed the Old Money Blonde boat. I now have to dye my hair a color I used to never want but now that I don’t have it anymore, that’s the color I want. Because of … Taylor Swift? Because Gen Z so worships at the altar of Taylor Swift that they made dishwasher hair … cool?

Marcy: That’s insane.

Cynthia:  Yes!

Marcy:  Being a human female is ridiculous.

Cynthia:  Exactly my point.

penelope kitten:  btw, the correct Gen Z term for “cool”  is “fire”.



Marcy:  Ah. So the young ones are incorporating global warming trends into their slang.

penelope kitten:  we’re very environmentally motivated.

Marcy:  Word.



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  • Reply Luigina Vecchione January 23, 2024 at 4:52 am

    I missed the boat with my fat ass and thick thighs that were shunned in the 70’s. Lol!

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 23, 2024 at 1:23 pm

      It’s all so … arbitrary!

  • Reply Big Momma January 23, 2024 at 8:10 am

    Cynthia, you’ll be happy to hear that L’Oreal has come out with a new color, Dirty Dishwater Mousy Brown so you too can look like old money, because you’re worth it.
    So cover that gray and be Swifty!

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 23, 2024 at 1:24 pm

      LOL … as long as it can cover 99% of grays!

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