I’ll let Marcy and Penelope Kitten fill you in on this one…
Marcy and Penelope Kitten are scouring the internet to find out why Heidi Klum showed up at the 2015 Emmys dressed in a dead canary dress.
They’ve been at it for hours.
Cynthia: Can I please have my computer back now?
Marcy: No. We’re still investigating.
penelope kitten (squeaking): sorry.
Cynthia: I told you, her dress is Versace. She saw it on the Runway and liked it so much she called Donatella and asked to wear it to the Emmys.
Heidi knew it looked like a battered bird.
Marcy: Heidi would never be so tacky.
peneolpe kitten(agreeing): nope. not buying it.
Marcy and Penelope Kitten continue their P. I. work.
Marcy: Here’s a lead. Looks like the Downtown LA Ferals thought she was a giant canary and attacked. It was a few minutes before they realized she was a person.
penelope kitten: no. no. says here it was the Hollywood Ferals.
Marcy: Hmmm… so both the DTLA Ferals and the Hollywood Hep Cats are taking credit?
penelope kitten: and the Beverly Hills Bunch.
Marcy: Oh the Beverly Hills Bunch are lying. They’ve got no street cred. They’re all fat cats who are neutered.
Cynthia (exasperated): Oh my gosh! So you’re saying that rival feral cat gangs are all claiming credit for Heidi Klum’s Emmy dress?
penelope kitten: yeah yeah.
Cynthia: But they’re all lying! The dress was designed to look like Big Bird in the middle of molting season.
Marcy: No. Heidi is perfect. She would never go out of the house looking like a molting muppet.
penelope kitten: never ever.
Cynthia leaves the room, convinced that she may possibly be losing her mind and should probably get out of the house and get a real job. One that doesn’t involve talking delusional cats.
Marcy (reverently): I must say, Heidi showed great courage to show up on the red carpet after her dress got ripped apart by the ferals.
penelope kitten (squeaking): yeah. yeah. so brave.