And it’s strangely therapeutic.
Hamlet calmly pads over to Cynthia just as she finishes her melodramatic soliloquy about the tragedy of caring for her sick cat, Scooter.
Please note, she performed her soliloquy to a half-filled dishwasher and empty coffee cup.
Hamlet (reassuringly sitting in his soapbox): Hello Momsicle. You and Popsicle seem to be all verklempt and distressed about Scooty Boy’s affliction. May I remind you that you should worry not.
Cynthia (wailing): No?! Why?! How?! He’s still in that cone with no end in sight. It’s a tragedy of epic proportions. Part of me wants to take the darn thing off but the other part of me knows that could make everything worse.
Hamlet (reasonably): Ah yes .. .To Be or Not To Be. That is a question I am quite familiar with. But may I remind you that everything is ok.
Hamlet: Oh yes. Indeed. Everything is always ok.
Cynthia: How do you figure?
Hamlet: Because either it is ok or you are dead. And since we are all going to be dead at some point – it doesn’t matter. Which means it is all ok all the time.
Cynthia is speechless and verging on horrified.
Hamlet: Exactly. As a wise man named George Carlin once said about getting a pet – “It is going to end badly” – and that by getting a pet, you are getting “a small tragedy.” And George also says you actually know this before you get your pet.
Still no response from Cynthia who looks like a deer in headlights.
Hamlet: In other words, we hope to not get sick and have bad things happen to us. But they do and they will. So don’t worry. Because … it is ok. OK?
Cynthia: O … K? …
Hamlet: Ok. Good. Please inform Popsicle when you see him. He’s crying in the closet and isn’t taking my calls and I have an appointment with the litter box.
Hamlet calmly pads off secure in the knowledge that he made his Momsicle feel better with his wisdom.
And after a moment, strangely enough, she does. Until –
Marcy struts in with a briefcase full of legal documents.
Marcy: FYI, I hired Lawyer Cat in case Scooter decides to sue me for purrsonal injury or something.
Cynthia: I thought you said you had nothing to do with it.
Marcy: I’m pleading the 5th. Per Lawyer Cat.
To be continued …