My Heartbeat


Cynthia is gushing at the computer.

Cynthia:  Awww… Marcy… look at this illustration. It just says it all, doesn’t it? My heartbeat is in cat form ’cause I love you soooooo much…

Marcy starts to gag.

Cynthia (still fixated on the cat heartbeat):  Awwww…

Marcy continues to gag.

Cynthia (still gushing):  Awwww…

Cynthia impulsively scoops up Marcy in her arms to give her a kitty kiss.

Cynthia:  Smooch smooch smooch …

Marcy throws up a hairball on Cynthia’s arm just as Penelope Kitten rushes into the room with an important announcement.

penelope kitten:  someone missed the litterbox.

Cynthia (sniffing):  I thought I smelled something.

Marcy (outraged):  When are you going to learn how to use the litterbox, Penelope?!

penelope kitten:  wasn’t me.

Marcy:  Yes it was! You’re the only one who misses.  You do it on purpose, don’t you?

penelope kitten:  maybe. maybe not.

Marcy:  It’s not polite and it’s not sanitary.

penelope kitten:  maybe. maybe not. maybe. maybe not.

Penelope Kitten reaches up to shred the arm off the sofa just as Marcy pushes off Cynthia to catapult herself onto the screen door and then onto Penelope Kitten’s back.

The two cats race off at top speed while knocking over everything in their path including a vintage lamp, a potted plant, and the TV.

Cynthia surveys her demolished house and torn Anthropologie sweater and then checks her cat heartbeat again.

She wonders what it would be like to have goldfish for pets instead of cats.

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  • Reply GnomeLover January 10, 2015 at 8:11 am

    Oh no! Did they really destroy your sweater?! I hope it was not a special one! I would cry if that happened to me. I destroyed an orange Anthroplogie sweater last year when I hooked it on something and walked away. It unraveled about two feet. Kinda of amazing really. Those kitties were bad today but I bet they are sweet as pie tomorrow.


    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 11, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      don't worry, jenni. it was an old sweater that should have died a long time ago. i was just helping.

  • Reply Anonymous January 10, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    Ah yes, I can attest that the dog heartbeat is exactly the same. If I didn't have one Marcy and Penelope's cousin Shwa would be long gone and his meaty thighs eaten by a vegetarian 🙂

  • Reply Anonymous January 11, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Have you kitties conspired to disrupt all households with rowdiness? Margaret has taken over the kitchen counter, which she'd never set foot on before, and is whapping the dogs with her paw at every opportunity. Is 2015 the year you cats take over civilization?

  • Reply withwonderandwhimsy January 15, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    I think Jenni is onto something. These bad animals are so naughty one day but so loving the next. And that is why we put up with them. Part of why I love Jazzy so much is because she's such a ham. Like earlier. There was a squirrel out on the patio, hopping along the railing. In her effort to destroy it (through the glass-paneled french doors, mind you), she got her head stuck in the blinds and started panicking. That squirrel just sat there and watched her. It was magical.

    <3 Liz

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 16, 2015 at 7:51 am

      Awwww… Jazzy looks like such a sweetheart! Too bad you didn't get her little escapade on video. It would have gone viral on the internet!
      We do love our critters! Even when they are bad!

  • Reply My Life As A NOT Potato: Solanine And The Potato Allergy – Marcy Very Much August 3, 2015 at 5:07 am

    […] Marcy And Penelope Kitten: Heart Attack Cats […]

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