Need To Scream? There’s A Hotline For That



Seriously. So scream. Scream like it’s 2020.

10 am. Monday morning. January 18, 2021.

Cynthia is eating Cheetos and peeping out of her Los Angeles apartment window counting how many un-masked people pass by.

Cynthia:  Five … six … oh my gato, seven! At this rate we are never going to get out of this Covid mess.

She shoves a handful of Cheetos in her mouth.

penelope kitten (squeaking):  good morning, captain. permission to use your iPhone?

Penelope Kitten


Cynthia (distracted): Yeah, ok. Eight … nine … oh my gato, ten! At this rate I’ll never be able to leave this apartment. Ever again. Like, EVER!

penelope kitten:  thank u, sir.

Penelope Kitten trots off with the iPhone.

Cynthia:  Is that? Noooooo… oh my gato. Eleven.

Just then blood curdling cat screams echo throughout the apartment. Cynthia’s Cheetos bag flies out of her hands as she races to find out which cat is probably dead.

Marcy’s voice: That one was stupid. We need to do it again.

penelope kitten: ok but try it as a song.

Cynthia frantically looks for the cats.

Just then, loud cat screams again fill the apartment. These screams sound somewhat like the Lion King’s “Circle of Life” song.

Cynthia flings open a closet door to find Marcy and Penelope Kitten scream singing into the iPhone.

Cynthia:  Oh my gato, who are you screaming at?

Marcy: It’s not a person. It’s a scream therapy hotline.

penelope kitten:  yeah yeah. you call in and scream. it’s called Just Scream!


Marcy: After you scream, you can listen to it on their website.

penelope kitten:  They’ve got over 70,000 recorded screams so far. They’re separated into categories depending on what kind of scream you perform.

Cynthia:  But why? Why do you two need scream therapy?

penelope kitten:  because 2021 is a bust. it’s bad. and we don’t like it. and we’re mad.

Marcy:  You kept saying 2021 was going to be better. But, here we are into the third week and quite frankly, it’s way worse than 2020.

penelope kitten: scream calling is very therapeutic. you should try it.

Cynthia (defensively):  Why? I’m not depressed. I’m not in despair.

Marcy and Penelope Kitten stare at Cynthia without blinking.

Cynthia (over-dramatically):  I’m fine.

Marcy:  You’re eating Cheetos at 10 am and spying on your neighbors. You haven’t left the apartment in 10 months and you don’t wear pants anymore.

penelope kitten (sniffing):  or deodorant.

A pause.

Cynthia: Give me the phone.

Cynthia, Marcy, and Penelope Kitten spend the rest of the day scream singing “Circle of Life”  into her iPhone.


*Just Scream! was created by Chris Gollmar as a way to help people find a stress relief when struggling with the indignities and panic as we realize that the turning of the clock to 2021 didn’t magically make the troubles of 2020 disappear.

*The site is accepting calls until January 21, 2021. Hurry, because after the 21st you are on your own.

*Scream singing “Circle of Life” is an actual category. Check it out here.



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  • Reply Vik January 19, 2021 at 1:18 pm

    Cynthia, I am your fellow judgey non-mask-wearing people counter! And “pants”? What are these “pants” you speak of? Have fun, Scream Girls! ?

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 19, 2021 at 1:32 pm

      Oh I am so glad to know I am not the only one! Even after all these months I am still so astonished to see people without masks.
      We are screaming out hearts out here. lol I’m sure you can hear us!
      Stay safe!

  • Reply Patty January 19, 2021 at 1:30 pm

    This is brilliant!!! What a wonderful way to help and entertain people. AAAAACCCcckkkkk!!!

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten January 19, 2021 at 1:34 pm

      it’s v therapeutic.

  • Reply TheLadyK January 19, 2021 at 1:45 pm

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m mostly just ashamed I didn’t come up with this idea first. There’s a Circle of Life category — too good! Sometimes, people really shine with their creativity!

    You already know how I feel about the unmasked masses. I’m sick of them, as well. If I hadn’t turned into such an agoraphobe, I’d want to leave the house, too. And, and by the way, I didn’t wear pants around my house before the pandemic. So there. 😀

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten January 19, 2021 at 1:50 pm

      oh yeah. we’re supah scared of the maskless hoomans.
      btw, i never wear pants either.
      ha ha

  • Reply Big Momma January 19, 2021 at 3:48 pm

    Just went to the website and listened to the screams. It was hysterically funny. Listening to others scream might be more therapeutic than screaming yourself.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch January 19, 2021 at 4:13 pm

      The Circle of Life screams really got me! Too funny!

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