The best reviews are by moms. …
Cynthia is sitting at her computer reading her latest reviews for her book, “Dear Marcy … Ask Her Anything And Hope She Doesn’t Answer”.
Cynthia: Hey Marcy! Mom likes our book!
Marcy: Does she really like it or is she just saying she likes it because she’s mom? Moms do that, you know.
Cynthia: Well I’d say she really likes it. She just wrote us an utterly fantastic review. The best review on Planet Earth.To paraphrase Sally Field – She likes us. She really really likes us.
Marcy looks dubious.
Cynthia: Just read it.
Review From Mom:
Catty and Comical. “Dear Marcy” might cause you to laugh up a furball.
Move over advice gurus, Marcy is here and she shows no mercy. Claws out, teeth sharp, she hisses her solutions to our pathetic human quandaries.
No coddling, no dear “gentle reader.” Her salutations slap you like an angry tail across the face… Dear Lost Cause, Dear Tragic Wimp, Dear Fashion Disaster, Dear Socially Inept…
And her precise “advice” cuts like a feline fang sunk into your exposed big toe as you nap:
Throwing knives is extremely therapeutic
People need to be told they are stupid
You’ll look like a slutty mental patient
Ram them with your cart
Break up with him
But it’s not all ire and anger. Now and then, when it suits her, Marcy cuddles up and purrs some thoughtful elucidation:
A thank you note is forever in fashion
Tell him the truth
There are no wrong choices
Declare yourself a Mennonite
Not that you asked, but my advice is to find a sunspot, grab some corn flakes and curl up with Marcy. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll savor the floating fur in your bowl. Best afternoon ever!
Cynthia(beaming): See? Mom even made you sound cool and not so homicidal. It sure is nice when your mom likes your stuff.
Marcy: We should hire her for PR. See if we can pay her in chocolates, phone calls, and the (fake) promise not to put her in the nursing home when she starts dribbling and/or dancing on the front lawn in her underwear.
Cynthia: Thanks, Mom! Happy Mother’s Day!
(Don’t listen to Marcy. We promise not to put you in the nursing home.)
love + hisses,
cindy + marcy
* “Dear Marcy … Ask Her Anything And Hope She Doesn’t Answer” is available here.
Always humorous. Sometimes malevolent.
Because we all need telling off by an opinionated cat.