mostly me, by penelope

Hang Ten With Penelope Kitten

illustration by Marina Daineko

Will Penelope’s new adventure have her swimming with the sharks? …


10 am. Sunday morning.

Marcy and Cynthia are vehemently arguing over whether pleated “barrel pants” are a legitimate fashion trend or the coming of the the third apocalypse.

Penelope walks in carrying a surfboard under her arm and chatting on the phone.

penelope kitten (squeaking):  sure, dude. yah…. awesome… totally stoked… dude … hahaha … no way, dude.

Marcy:  If she says “dude” one more time I’m gonna hurl.

penelope kitten: it’s gonna be epic, dude. k… haha… later, bro.

Cynthia:  What’s going on, P?

penelope kitten (hanging up):  hokule’a, the surfing cat, invited me to hang ten this summer in honolulu.

Source: Instagram: @hokuleathesurfingcat


Cynthia:  Ohhhh … a vacay in Hawaii. Count me in.

Marcy:  Mmmmm… Sushi and roasted piggies. I’m in.

Cynthia:  Marcy! Blehhh. So gross.

Marcy:  What?! I’m not a hippie veg head. I deserve my meat.

penelope kitten (apologetically):  um … so sorry … hokule’a is looking for aggros only. unless you can shred a gnarly wave with an aerial or an a-frame… i don’t think you two are invited. i’m sorry. maybe next time.

Marcy (offended):  Hmpf.

Penelope Kitten exits with her surfboard and her board shorts and her snorkel.

penelope kitten (waving):  aloha. gotta go practice my kick flips.

Cynthia (waving back):  Ok. Be careful. Don’t talk to any sting rays or jellyfish. They aren’t your friends.

Marcy (angrily calling after her):  I hope the “men in grey suits” aka “sharks” mistake you for a seal.

Cynthia:  Gasp. Marcy!

Marcy: What? I’m mad! She just UN-invited us to Hawaii. And anyway sharks aren’t going to mistake a pudgy black cat on a surfboard for a seal.

Cynthia:  Um … Marcy.

Marcy:  Oh my gato!!!

Marcy and Cynthia scream and race out the door to save Penelope from the sharks.

They almost catch up with her as she heads west on Santa Monica Blvd. towards the beach. But, before they do, they pass out from exertion in front of the Carl’s Jr.

Penelope Kitten hooks a left and continues towards the paddling pool at the local park.

To Be Continued …

Will Marcy and Cynthia discover that Penelope is hanging ten in the West Los Angeles kiddie pool?

Will they try the new meatless hamburger at the Carl’s Jr before setting on their way?

Will they corral Sean Penn and his gang of aging surfer bros to search high and low for a pudgy black cat in board shorts hanging ten off of Zuma Beach only to get arrested for indecent exposure after accidentally ingesting magic mushrooms from Gary Busey’s secret stash?

4am. Downtown Los Angeles Correctional Facility.

Penelope Kitten and Lawyer Cat secure Marcy and Cynthia’s release.

Close up of Marcy and Cynthia in a jail cell. They are sprawled out, giggling, and still high off the mushrooms.

Marcy sees Penelope hazily come in to focus.

Marcy:  Duuuuuude…


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  • Reply TheLadyK April 12, 2021 at 1:52 pm

    Carl’s Jr. has a meatless burger now? Good to know.

    Put me down for the pants being apocalyptic. Maybe on you, Cynthia, they’d be great, but on me, barrel pants would make me literally look like a barrel cinched at the non-existent waist. When do empire waist tops come back???

    And –
    I’m am DYING over the pics of Penelope and the seal. Cannot unsee!!!!

    How indecent was this exposure? Are there pics? (Don’t worry – I’ll post your bail.)

    Thanks for the beautifully wacky adventure!

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch April 12, 2021 at 2:02 pm

      Oh yes! Freddy loves the meatless burger at Carl’s Jr. I think it is called the Impossible Star.
      I look like an old lady in those pants. It’s one thing for the 20 somethings to aim for the old lady look – which of course they are doing with the “mom jeans” and faux gray hair – but not for a real old lady!
      Exposure wasn’t toooo indecent. We were just easy for the LAPD to catch. Don’t worry – Penelope got us out.
      Thank you!!

  • Reply Big Mamma April 12, 2021 at 2:57 pm

    I hope those pants aren’t the wave of the future. The only thing worse would be a comeback of the bare midriff.
    Penelope is way cuter than the seal and I think the shark would spit her out. Who can stand that much hair in their food?
    And what is the definition of “aggros”?

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch April 12, 2021 at 3:30 pm

      They are the wave amongst Gen Z. But don’t worry – over 30’s aren’t expected to wear them – or the bare midriff. I am sorry to inform you that the bare midriff is already back in style with the Gen Z crowd who are aggressively pushing back against Millennial fashion.
      Aggro is a surfing term for an aggressive surfer.

  • Reply Patty April 13, 2021 at 1:18 pm

    I want to be surfer cat! He looks so happy :). Marcy made me LOL with her men in grey suits comment. I could totally see them mistaking P-kitty for a seal. Be careful P! Hang loose.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch April 13, 2021 at 1:22 pm

      It’s such a funny surfer term for sharks!

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