mostly me, by penelope

Minimalism by Penelope Kitten


Penelope’s been reading too much Marie Kondo


Penelope Kitten wears Los Angeles Sanitation coveralls. In her little red wagon are a broom, trash bags, Windex, and a bicycle bell.

She marches into the afternoon sunspot populated by the household cats whilst dragging her little red wagon and ringing her bell.

penelope kitten (squeaking):  cat nap time is over. (ring ring)

Hamlet:  Whaaat?

penelope kitten:  we’re going… “minimalist.”

Hamlet:  Hunh?

penelope kitten:  gotta get up so we can clean up. (ring ring)

Hamlet:  Ahhh…I’m sleepy sleepin’, P.

penlope kitten:  up up up. (ring ring ring)

Marcy:  Shut up. (hissssss)


Hamlet:  Okay okay. What are we cleaning up?

penelope kitten:  everything.

Penelope starts throwing all the cat toys, pieces of tissue paper, and cardboard scratcher remnants into the trash bags.

Hamlet:  Wait no! That’s my favorite mousey toy.

penelope kitten:  gotta go. it’s disgusting.

Hamlet:  So what if it’s covered in kitty spit, dried catnip, and is missing all the stuffing? I love it.

penelope kitten:  gotta go. so do these.

Hamlet:  Nooo. Those are my tissue paper pieces. I need them.

penelope kitten:  you haven’t played with them in 2 months.

Hamlet:  I was saving them.

penelope kitten:  for what?

Hamlet pauses in panic.

penelope kitten (tossing them into the trash):  gotta go.

Hamlet:  Marcy! Help me! Penelope’s throwing away all my cool stuff. She’s in a cleaning frenzy! She’s KonMari-ing the whole house! We’ll have nothing left! Nothing!!

Marcy (yawning):  Like that box over there?

Hamlet:  GASP! Not… MY BOX!

Penelope kitten whips out her pocket knife from one of the pockets on her coveralls, ready to dismantle Hamlet’s box.

Hamlet leaps into his box.


Hamlet:  This… is my box.

Marcy:  This is what happens when a millennial kitten watches too may Ted Talks on YouTube. Millennials take everything to the extreme.

penelope kitten:  hey, marcy very much. I think this plant has seen better days. better let it go.

Marcy:  How’s about we minimize your dry crunchies and Friskies cans.


Penelope kitten pauses in panic at the thought of her dry crunchies and Friskies cans getting minimized.

penelope kitten:  ok. moving on. (ring ring)

Marcy goes back to sleep while Penelope grabs her broom and continues with her clean up.

penelope kitten (squeaking):  now. this decimated peacock feather –

Hamlet (from his box):  Nooo!! Not my decimated peacock feather! I worked for hours on that!

Marcy:  Heh heh heh. It’s always much easier to minimize someone else’s stuff.



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  • Reply Big Momma October 11, 2018 at 8:13 am

    Penelope and Hamlet, you need a mediator. This sounds like marriage between a hoarder and a neat freak.
    How about if you decorate Hamlet’s box to look like a piece of art and store his treasures inside, and Hamlet you agree to put your things away when not in use?

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten October 11, 2018 at 12:45 pm

      2 late. all gone. i put hamlet on the patio so the whole place would be minimalist. v relaxing.
      penelope kitten

  • Reply Patty October 11, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    Ha, ha, ha! This made me actually laugh out loud. The pictures are so cute, and the one of Marcy is priceless!!!

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten October 11, 2018 at 12:43 pm

      ha ha. i took the one of marcy. she doesn’t like it. it’s my fave.
      penelope kitten

  • Reply Freddy October 12, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    Hey Penelope, have you seen my collection of tchotchkes? I’m missing some toy cars…

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten October 12, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      don’t know about those.
      (walking away very fast)

  • Reply Vik October 16, 2018 at 4:30 pm

    What’s one cat’s treasure…..

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 16, 2018 at 5:24 pm

      lol – so true!!

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