It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Super P. …
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Penelope Kitten enters to find Cynthia siting on the floor and crying in front of the laundry basket. Cynthia is holding her new Madewell Knit Square-Neck Black Tee that appears to be covered in hot melted candy.
penelope kitten (squeaking): what happened?
Marcy: Looks like someone from the building lost their candy in the dryer. Cindy didn’t see it and it melted all over her clothes.
Cynthia cry hiccups as she rummages through her sticky laundry and pulls out a half full King Size packet of gooey Skittles.
Marcy: Honestly, it’s just melted sugar and she knows it. I think she’s more upset about all the horribleness going on in the world.
Cynthia: No … no … body …. ca ca caaaaaresssss…
Marcy: See? It’s easier to cry over candy. The candy situation can be fixed. The rest … (Marcy shrugs)
Cynthia (standing up): I’m not gonna take this. This was irresponsible and neglectful and not very neighborly. You know what I’m going to do?! I’m going to write a strictly worded note and hang it up in the laundry room!
Cynthia storms out of the apartment with her notepad, sharpie, masking tape, and attitude.
penelope kitten: ok. that’s it. people of the earth need help. and it’s up to me to help ‘em.
Marcy: You can’t help. You’re a house cat. You’re not even allowed outside unsupervised.
penelope kitten: yes. i can, marcy very much. i have my superhero cape.
Penelope races off to grab her cape and races back.
penelope kitten (striking a Superman pose): ta da.
Marcy: So what are you going to do first, Super P?
penelope kitten: first i’ll fly over the raging wildfires and knock ‘em all out in a single swoop.
then, i’ll zoom over to afghanistan and blanket catnip all over the land to permanently make the meanies nice. in fact, i’ll do that all over the entire world.
after that, i’ll eradicate coronavirus. i’ll eradicate cancer. i’ll eradicate conspiracy theories + misinformation + wooey hooey new age philosophies that make people forget they have a brain.
i’ll eliminate racism + sexism + ageism + any kind ism that hurts people and animals.
Marcy: You’re going to get hungry doing all that.
penelope kitten: gasp. you’re right. so then i’ll swoop …
penelope kitten: yes! i’ll swoop into the friskies factory for an all u can eat buffet. i’ll eat mixed grill + mariner’s catch + poultry platter + dry crunchies. then i’ll distribute food to alllllll the hungry cats in the world.
Marcy: You ok?
penelope kitten: yeah yeah saving the world is a lot of work. plus i have food coma from all the pretend friskies i ate.
Cynthia enters. She has stopped crying.
Marcy: So did you leave your strictly worded note and tell the neighbors what for?
Cynthia (brightly): No. I felt better after I wrote my note so I didn’t need to post it. And anyway, it’s only melted sugar. Now I just feel sorry for the person who lost their candy.
penelope kitten (agreeing): losing candy is super sad.
Cynthia: What are you guys doing?
Marcy: P is saving the world.
penelope kitten (striking her superman pose): it’s a bird. it’s a plane. it’s super p!
Cynthia: Excellent. Well … crying makes me hungry. Shall we eat?
penelope kitten: yeah yeah. i’ll save the world after snack time. i mean, you can’t save the world on an empty stomach. even super p’s gotta eat.
*Be sure to check out our new book, “Dear Marcy … Ask Her Anything And Hope She Doesn’t Answer!”.
Because we all need advice from an opinionated cat.