mostly me, by penelope

Penelope’s Great Friskies Food Heist


Can she pull it off? …


Cynthia:  What’s Penelope up to? She’s been working the phone and computer for hours.

Marcy: She’s organizing the raccoons.

Cynthia: To do what?

Marcy:  To break into the Friskies factory for food.

Cynthia:  What?! That’s illegal. And, P gets food here.

Marcy: Penelope’s been peeved ever since you took away her dry crunchies.

Cynthia:  I had to! The vet said she was getting too plump. Hmpf. It’s not like she’s starving. And why is she involving the raccoons?

Marcy (admiringly):  The raccoons are brilliant at banditry. They’ve got cool eye masks, opposable thumbs, and lack any and all fear. They are bad ass bandits.

Photo by Pete Nuij for Unsplash


Cynthia (shaking her head):  Raccoons are unionized. Penelope won’t be able to afford their daily rate, health insurance and workman’s comp. They also demand a free meal. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about this latest caper of hers. She’ll never pull it off.

Cynthia exits as Penelope walks into the room with her clipboard and calculator.

Marcy: How’s it going, P?

penelope kitten (squeaking): not good. the raccoons want scale plus 85% of the food haul. (checking her notes) also, transportation reimbursement and possible overtime.

Marcy: what are you going to do?

penelope kitten:  hire possums. they’re non union.

Marcy: Possums are stupid.

penelope kitten:  yeah but they work for free.

Marcy: You get what you pay for.

Next day.

Penelope Kitten  is brooding in her box.


Marcy: What happened to the Great Friskies Heist?

penelope kitten: you were right. possums are stupid. they were supposed to rendezvous at the metro station on bundy and olympic blvd. but instead they hopped into an uber on centinela and were last seen riding northwest towards winnetka.

Marcy:  So stupid.

penelope kitten plus, the raccoons are mad at me for being a “union buster” so they raided the friskies factory on their own and now they’re having a “seafood sensational soiree” and said i can only attend if i manage to win their limbo contest.

Marcy: Ouch.

penelope kitten (glumly): i know. raccoons are so mean.

Marcy (admiringly): Never mess with the raccoons. They are bad ass.

penelope kitten (loudly lamenting):  what’s a kitty gotta do to get some dry crunchies around here?!!

Just then, Penelope gasps and hops to her feet.

penelope kitten: i know! i’ll talk to seth.

Marcy:  The squirrel?

penelope kitten (squeaking):  yeah yeah. not only is he an expert on food storage systems, he and his squirrel siblings are masters at cracking.

Marcy:  Cracking?

penelope kitten:  cracking safes. cracking codes. cracking open anything really.  i think he’s teaching his tai chi class on the baseball field today.


Penelope Kitten grabs her clipboard and calculator and rushes out to the park to see if Seth will help with … Plan B – The Next Great Friskies Heist.


♥ Happy Big Birthday, Patty!


marcy + cindy + pk ♥


Featured Image of Raccoon on Dumpster by Overture Creations on Unsplash

Image of Black Cat and Raccoon by Photo by Jennifer Uppendahl for Unsplash


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  • Reply Luigina December 7, 2021 at 5:00 am

    Get the kitty some crunchies!!!

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten December 7, 2021 at 12:45 pm

      listen to luigina, plz.
      thank mew 4 ur support, luigina.

      • Reply Luigina December 9, 2021 at 8:44 am

        you are certainly welcome:)

  • Reply Big Mamma December 7, 2021 at 7:15 am

    Raccoons might be poised to take over the world. They got into my neighbor’s attic and had many babies. They tore holes in the ductwork and were enjoying air conditioning and heat year-round.
    My neighbor might have to abandon the house, declare it a raccoon refuge and take the tax break.

    • mm
      Reply Marcy Cat December 7, 2021 at 12:44 pm

      Amazing skills.
      Brazen banditry.
      Political geniuses.
      I am in awe.

  • Reply Vik December 7, 2021 at 4:02 pm

    Penelope, you are better off with Seth than the raccoons, bc at least you don’t need to worry about Seth eating YOU !!!!

    • mm
      Reply penelope kitten December 7, 2021 at 5:17 pm

      oh yeah. ur right. i bet i’m super tasty too.
      seth is the best.
      thank mew 4 the advice.
      luv u,

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