mostly me, by penelope

Penelope’s Impractical Magic

Illustration by Marina Daineko


What could possibly go wrong? …


Early October. The living room.

Penelope has set up a pot filled with green slime. She is stirring the pot and chanting.

Marcy is thoughtfully chewing on her toenails.

Cynthia enters.

penelope kitten (squeak chanting): “double double toil and trouble. fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

Cynthia:  Ack! No! No trouble! Why are you doubling and troubling? I don’t want any problems around here.

Marcy:  Plus it’s a fire hazard.

penelope kitten:  have to. got a job as a witch-in-training for halloween. need to practice my magical moggy spells.

Cynthia:  But that’s an evil chant by the evil witches from the evil play about the Scottish King.

penelope kitten:  i know. macbeth.

Cynthia (panicking):  Nooooo! You can never say the name of the play out loud! Never. It’s bad luck!

Marcy:  Is that another one of your stupid theatre superstitions?

Cynthia:  We’re cursed!

penelope kitten :  oh no! how do we fix it?

Cynthia:  In order to break the curse, you have to run around the apartment complex three times and then knock three times to be let back in.

Penelope takes off in a hurry. 

Cynthia watches her anxiously as Penelope huffs and hoofs it around the building.

Marcy:  You theatre people are so weird.

Cynthia lets Penelope back in but they both look around fearfully; not sure the spell has been broken.

Marcy:  Why don’t you just change the chant?

penelope kitten (out of breath): i don’t think shakespeare would like that.

Marcy: So what? He’s dead.

Cynthia:  That’s a good idea actually. It could be “bubble trouble toil and trouble”.

penelope kitten:  i like bubbles.

Cynthia:  Or how about double bubble toil and trouble.

Marcy:  Sounds like gum.

penelope kitten: mmm hubba bubba.

Cynthia:  But we’ve still got the toil and trouble.

Marcy: we could broil instead.

penelope kitten:  mmm like a fish dinner.

Cynthia:  And how about crumble for trouble!

penelope kitten:  mmmmm like apple pie.

Cynthia: Yeah! Try it Penelope!

Penelope stirs her cauldron filled with green slime.

penelope kitten:  double bubble broil and crumble … um …

Cynthia:  Keep going, P! You can do it!

penelope kitten: um …  buyers return and … um … chipmunks love ya.

Just then … POOF …the apartment fills up with chewed up Hubba Bubba gum, empty apple pie containers from McDonald’s, rotting fish, and a gerbil named Justin Michael Jones III.

penelope kitten: oopsie. sorry. it was my first spell tho.

Cynthia (trying to get he gum out of her hair):  Maybe you should keep trying.

Marcy:  Or get a new job. Gerbils make me nervous.


More P!

In her recently published book, “mostly me, by penelope“.

So how does our anxious but amiable black kitten with a squeaky voice and a pudgy primordial pouch get through life?

Why … with a mix of pluckiness, persistence, pragmatism, and pizazz.

Join the adventures of Penelope Kitten, a Wiffle ball loving apartment cat as she navigates a world of crafty crows, killer coyotes, and vicious vacuums.

Whether she’s on her CB radio, or donning her superhero cape, or campaigning to be VP of the USA, Penelope Kitten is out to save the world (or maybe take it over).

One squeak at a time.

And, more Marcy. She is very much after all.

“Dear Marcy … Ask Her Anything And Hope She Doesn’t Answer!”

Because we all need telling off advice from an opinionated cat.

Always humorous.

Sometimes malevolent


Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Big Momma October 9, 2023 at 6:55 pm

    You guys are getting all Halloweeny.
    Marcy, I think you might find gerbils very tasty.

    • Reply MarcyVeryMuch October 9, 2023 at 7:22 pm

      Tis the spooky season!

    Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.