Browsing Tag

vegetables

Fun, My Life As...

My Life As A Carrot

Photo by Sara Cozolino Photography (with my own iPhone filter added).

Cynthia happily bounces around the house waving vegetables in the air.

Cynthia:  In my quest to stave off prediabetes, one step I’ve taken is adding more vegetables to my snacks. And ya know what?

Marcy:  No.

Cynthia (excitedly):  It’s surprisingly easy! One of my tricks is to replace carrots and cucumbers for crackers.

Chalk Art Street Art by David Zinn

Marcy:  Don’t lie. You still eat crackers. I see you.

Cynthia:  Yes but instead of say… fifteen… Triscuits, I’ll only have the serving size of six. Then I put some cheese on cucumbers or dip some carrots into hummus or that yummy bleu cheese pecan dip from Trader Joe’s, and … voila… a healthy snack that isn’t crazy out of control with carbs. And it still has the satisfying crunch of crackers. And very importantly, I do not feel as though I am depriving myself.

 

Cynthia (very seriously):  Yes, it is a concern. I once knew a guy who literally WAS orange because he ate so many carrots. I think he was addicted to carrot smoothies. It was extremely strange.Marcy:  You’re going to turn orange.

Cynthia and Marcy consider this thoughtfully for a moment.

Cynthia (brightly):  So. In order not to turn orange, I am going to mix up my carrot consumption with more crunchy veggies like celery, bell peppers, radishes, romaine lettuce, and… more cucumbers.

I have to say that sugar really does affect me adversely. In the one week that I have cut back on sweets and refined sugar, and limiting (but not eliminating) my carb intake on whole grain wheat, I find I am more energetic and my brain is not foggy.

Cynthia jogs in place and fist bumps the air with a bunch of carrots.

Cynthia:  Am I going to defy diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and ultimately… death? What do you think, Marcy?

Marcy:  That this is the most boring post you’ve ever written. Where’s the drama? Where’s the humor? And more importantly…Where’s the meat?


 

*If you are a human you might also like:

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable 

*If you are a cat you might also like:

mostly me, by penelope (who stole my cheetos?)

 

Fun, My Life As...

My Life As A Leafy Green Vegetable

cynthia


Marcy enters to find Cynthia looking a little freaked out.

Marcy:  You look a little freaked out. What gives?

Cynthia: I’m not sure. I had a routine blood test and the results are that I’m possibly… prediabetic.

Marcy:  That’s awesome!

Cynthia (sharply):  What?

Marcy:  Prediabolical is great. It means you’re almost diabolical. Way to go, Cindy. I didn’t think you had it in you.

Cynthia:  Prediabetic. It means I’ve got too much sugar … or carbohydrates…or something. I don’t know. I have to see the doctor about it.

Marcy (knowingly):  It’s because you don’t eat meat. If you ate Friskies instead of pasta and grape nuts and cookies you wouldn’t be in this fix.

Cynthia (annoyed):  I’m not eating meat, Marcy. But you’re right, I have been eating too many cookies lately.

Marcy:  If you ate Friskies then –

Cynthia (snapping):  I’m not eating meat!

Marcy:  Okay. No need to be crabby.

Cynthia:  I’ll just cut back on the carbs, eliminate sugar, and exercise more until I can find out what the deal is. Maybe it’s just a blip.

Marcy:  So what will you eat?

Cynthia:  Vegetables.

Marcy:  And?

Cynthia (cranky):  I don’t know, Marcy. Vegetables. I eat a lot of them anyway. I’ll just… you know… eat more.

 

Marcy:  More? You already eat enough lettuce and carrots that I worry the rabbits of the world are going hungry.


Cynthia:  Yeah right. As if you worry about the welfare of rabbits.

Marcy: Now, if you ate … meat, I would recommend Friskies. It’s by far the –

Cynthia (diabolically):  I … will not. Eat meat. 

I will figure out how to be a vegetarian and stay healthy at the same time. So. Are you going to help me with this?

Marcy:  As long as I don’t have to eat anything green. Yuck.

Cynthia (suddenly brightening):  You know, this could be an interesting journey. C’mon. Let’s see what’s in our kitchen and count those carbs.

Marcy and Cynthia trot off to the kitchen to do some investigating.

Marcy:  And I’ll count Friskies cans.

 

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